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I dig jazz and single-malt scotch.  I write plays; I direct them too. I love STAR WARS more than is healthy. I walk my dogs every day, unless it's raining or terribly cold.

Saturday, June 07, 2008


A Dream Play
(composed moments after seeing it in a dream)

This play should be somewhere in the middle. An MC enters. I’m betting that there has been someone at some point who made an announcement about the show, said hello, or at the very least told folks to turn off cell phones (and if he didn’t mention cell phones, now’s a good time)…

…that guy*.

So, he comes back out (he can still be wearing – whatever)…

Hello. I’m back. Hope you’ve been enjoying the show. Anyway. Right now we’ve got something just little different. A musical interlude, as it were, and you’re all included. A little sing-a-long break has really become a sort of tradition at these things. It really helps with – well – with – the flow. And interest. It keeps the interest thing going. You know, there are sooooooOooo many plays in one of these things, right? And soooOOOooOo many people involved. You probably came to see someone in particular, right? Someone you know? In the show? And they’ve already been on, or they haven’t even done theirs yet, and you’re starting to think, “I thought these were supposed to be short, cuz they seem pretty long to me”, right? Everybody thinks that. Trust me. They do. And because you’re not alone, because we care about your sanity, because you’re itching just to move a little right now…

A musical interlude.

Music warms the heart of the savage beast, right? And we know you’re getting antsy, soooooOOOoooo warm your wind pipes-up, cuz we’re gonna have a little sing-a-long. And here to lead you through it this year is ____________! Enjoy!

The MC claps his hands in the direction of the wings. From the wings enters a young woman, earnest, but kinda geeky. She carries a drum on a stand and a stool. She has difficulty. The MC rushes and helps. He sets the stool down-center and then abandons her. The young woman sets up her drum, apologizing with her gaze, her grin, and the angle of her body slouch, about the awkwardness of the set-up. She sits, drum sticks at the ready, it’s only just dawning on her that she is alone on stage…

Uh. Hi. So. Um. They asked me to play something, cuz the folk-lady they usually get, well she couldn’t do it, and then Benny the piano-guy he couldn’t either, and then CC the other guitar said “No fucking way”, oh, sorry, this is uh, well, CC swears a lot, if you know CC. I don’t swear, no, not me. Uh. Anyways. The interlude. I thought we’d do one of my favorites, okay? Anyone here watch Masterpiece Theatre? This is… The Masterpiece.

She hits the drum. Now, understand, we want her to be good, I mean, who doesn’t want her to be good? Is she good? That’s really up to you. And her. Do what feels best. You know your audience, right?

So. She plays. And then. She starts to hum the melody. She puts in…

Come on guys… sing it with me…!

She gets back to the Masterpiece. If the audience is humming along too, great. Just let it go. If they’re not, then send the MC guy to help encourage them. C’mon! This girl needs help. Just tell that MC to get his lazy-ass out there and SAVE THE SHOW. You’re on a mission, man! GET OUT THERE!

We get thru the song (yea!). The MC claps! Yea!. The young woman kinda bows, maybe waves, maybe drops a stick, has a hard time with the drum, tries to take the stool. The MC helps. He jams the stool somewhere into her arms and sends her off in the direction of the wings. He claps again as the young woman retreats. He does his job.

Tradition. Gotta love it!

He claps more as he exits. Chances are the audience claps too.


* I know, I know. I’m assuming your MC is a “guy” and then I go further and only refer to him as “he” and never once do I even attempt the more correct he/she, or the even even more correct she/he. Maybe you’ve had a chick introducing the shows this whole time. Feel free to use her instead. Sure, it will destroy the whole tension regarding father/daughter abandonment issues that drives the action, okay so we won’t get the big question about why women repeat the cycle of bad choices concerning men, and the theme that exposes the patriarchy can be tossed out the window. It’s not about what I (the playwright) want. Fuck that. I’m not even here, right? At this stage it’s all about making the play easier for you. So. If it’s easier for you… you have my blessing.

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